#YANG - Begitulah Kata-Kata
















,السلام عليكم

30 minutes. 8 trainings. This may be a simple task to many, but for me, this took SO much courage. Performing or presenting in front of a crowd becomes increasingly difficult as I get older. Maybe because I often overthink, fear that I would screw up and that fear eventually cause me to screw up. Its’ like fearing something bad would happen, but you do not know what exactly is going to happen, so you think SO much about it till your mind goes blank and that’s’ when you realize you screwed up. 

Performing or presenting becomes increasingly difficult because I keep focusing on negative comments (when I am supposed to work on these comments, to improve myself) and I am so skeptical of the positive comments I receive (I feel that people sugar coat their comments, just to make me feel better), that I continuously doubt myself and fear presenting or performing. Drowning myself in negative thoughts is not good, I know, but somehow its’ difficult for me to find the confidence. This acknowledgement and acceptance of course is not good and it contributes to me screwing up shit. As much as I want to do well, a part of me whispers that I can’t do it. I’m sure to screw up, and before I knew it, I screwed up.

Yes, story of my life. 

But for today, just today, just this post, despite all the “I know you screwed up”, “Adilah messed up”, “She forget her lines”, “You did good”, the negative remarks and sugar coated comments, just let me genuinely acknowledge myself that “Yes, Adilah you did it. You overcome your shit. You did something that you never expected yourself to do. Yes, it was small, not perfect, but I didn’t expect it to be either. Yes, you screwed up a few times, yes it could have been better, but you imagined worst and thank God that did not happen. Keep everything you learn, don’t get disheartened by your own mistakes or failure nor by what people say. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, because you are you. It takes courage to do something that you know is not your forte.”

Yes.

With that, I feel so thankful for the opportunity, the trust and the faith that these people have in me. Despite my keselengean, people patiently trained me. I have learnt so many new things, explore and further expand my boundaries. It has really been an amazing experience really. Forgive me for at times being an ass to train/work with, and really thank you for the guidance all this while.

دلايزيت

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